Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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