he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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