I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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