just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
