this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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