38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
