The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
