At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
