she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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