definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize