You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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