After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize