Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
