The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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