Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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