Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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