remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
