bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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