dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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