It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
