New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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