I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
