She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
