He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
