so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
