i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
