If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
