We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
