***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
