so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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