So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
