We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
