I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
