Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
