I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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