i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
