thus making me awesome and them whores
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
