he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
