I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
