WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
