I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
