halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
