did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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