i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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