remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize