Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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