if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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