the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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