Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
