I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
