hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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