Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
