did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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