so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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