The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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