My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
