Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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