Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Too much gin, very little bucket
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
