im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
