no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize