In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When are your genitals available?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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