Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
