I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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